I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
