I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
