My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
