Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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