Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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