please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I believe in your delicious
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
