yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
