i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
