you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
