what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
