u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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