How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
