soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
