You can't motorboat a personality
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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