Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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