wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
