She said her name was "party"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
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Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
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Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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