I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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