He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
