She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
