So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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