My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
