she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Girls should come with a carfax report
she peed on how many people?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
