its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
