I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
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