I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He better not be in your backpack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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