Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
the day after is always just damage control
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
