Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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