I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I believe in your delicious
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
