Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
