oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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