It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
His nipple licking is glorious
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