roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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