So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
