What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
