I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I want a musical about memes.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
