I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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