we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
