SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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