One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
