I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
