Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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