dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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