Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
