Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
