she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Randomize
