You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
