Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
