you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
