Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
