how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
