I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
