I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
