i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
