I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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