we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
