is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
