Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
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My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
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I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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