yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
