So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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