i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
