do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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