Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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