"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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