So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
