If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
high people should be assigned attendants
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
