piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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